When does clutter become more than too much stuff?
In this episode of The Choice Space, Dr Lee David speaks with professional organiser and author Lesley Spellman about the emotional side of clutter and why letting go can sometimes feel far more difficult than it appears.
Most of us have areas of our home that are a little fuller than we would like. A cupboard becomes crowded, a drawer fills up, or a spare room gradually turns into a place where things are stored rather than used. Often this is simply part of everyday life. We get busy, priorities change and sorting things out falls down the list.
Sometimes, however, clutter starts to feel different. It becomes something we avoid thinking about. We feel guilty when we see it. We stop inviting people round. We promise ourselves that we will deal with it one day, yet somehow that day never arrives.
This conversation explores what may be happening when clutter becomes more than a practical challenge and begins to carry emotional weight.
Why clutter can become emotionally charged
One of the most interesting themes in the discussion is the idea that possessions are rarely just possessions.
Many objects carry stories. They remind us of important people, significant life events, achievements, hopes and disappointments. A wardrobe may contain clothes linked to different stages of life. A cupboard may contain gifts from family members. A spare room may hold reminders of children who have grown up and moved away.
When we look at clutter from this perspective, it becomes easier to understand why decluttering can feel emotionally demanding. We are not simply making decisions about objects. We may also be making decisions about memories, relationships, identity and change.
This does not mean every item has deep significance. In fact, Lesley points out that many people become focused on the highly emotional possessions and overlook the much larger number of everyday items that have accumulated over time. Even so, recognising that emotions are often involved can help explain why decluttering is rarely as straightforward as it appears from the outside.
Clutter, comfort and coping
The conversation also explores how possessions can sometimes become a source of comfort.
Many people recognise the brief sense of pleasure that comes from buying something new. During periods of stress, loneliness, grief or emotional difficulty, shopping can provide a temporary lift. Bringing something new into the home can create a sense of reward, control or reassurance.
For some people this becomes part of a wider coping strategy. The possessions themselves may not be the problem. Instead, they become linked to emotional needs that are understandable and very human.
The difficulty is that what initially feels comforting can gradually create new challenges. Homes become harder to manage. Finding things becomes more difficult. Living spaces become less functional. Financial pressures may increase. Relationships can become strained.
The conversation highlights the importance of approaching these patterns with curiosity rather than judgement. Criticising ourselves for having clutter rarely creates lasting change. Understanding what role the clutter has been playing in our lives is often a more helpful starting point.
Shame, judgement and isolation
A recurring theme throughout the episode is shame.
People who struggle with clutter often carry a significant amount of self-criticism. They may feel embarrassed about their home and worry about what other people would think if they saw it. Over time, this can lead to increasing isolation.
Friends are invited round less often. Family visits become stressful. Tradespeople entering the home can create anxiety. Even thinking about the clutter may trigger feelings of failure or inadequacy.
The conversation highlights an important point. While many people believe that harsh self-criticism will motivate change, the opposite is often true. Shame tends to make people retreat. It encourages avoidance rather than action.
This can create a difficult cycle. The more overwhelmed someone feels, the harder it becomes to address the clutter. The longer the clutter remains, the more shame develops.
Breaking this cycle often begins with recognising that clutter is a common human experience rather than a personal failing. Understanding creates room for change in a way that judgement rarely does.
Grief, identity and letting go
Perhaps the most powerful part of the conversation centres on grief.
We often think about grief in relation to bereavement, but the discussion explores how grief can arise in many different forms. We may grieve the end of a particular stage of life, changes in our health, shifts in family roles or opportunities that are no longer available to us.
Possessions can become closely connected to these experiences.
Clothes may represent a version of ourselves that no longer feels accessible. Work-related items may remind us of a career that has ended. Children’s belongings may symbolise a period of family life that has passed.
Letting go of these objects can sometimes feel like letting go of the meaning attached to them. As a result, the emotional challenge is often much greater than the practical task.
The conversation reflects on the importance of allowing space for these feelings rather than trying to push them away. Change often involves some degree of loss. Acknowledging that reality can make the process feel less confusing and less overwhelming.
Why we often start in the wrong place
One of the most practical insights from the discussion is that people frequently begin with the most emotionally difficult areas.
When clutter is causing distress, it is natural to focus on the room or category of possessions that feels most problematic. Unfortunately, this is often where people become stuck.
Lesley describes the importance of starting with simpler decisions. Rather than beginning with photographs, sentimental possessions or highly personal items, it can be more effective to focus on areas where the choices are relatively straightforward.
This approach allows people to build confidence before tackling more challenging decisions.
The principle is similar to many forms of behaviour change. We are often more successful when we begin with manageable steps rather than attempting to solve everything at once.
Small successes create momentum. They provide evidence that change is possible. Over time, that confidence becomes an important resource when facing more difficult decisions.
Building confidence one decision at a time
A concept that runs throughout the episode is what Lesley describes as building a “decluttering muscle”.
The more decisions we make successfully, the easier future decisions become.
Many people worry about making the wrong choice. They fear getting rid of something they might need later or regret. As a result, they become reluctant to make decisions at all.
Over time, however, people often discover that they can cope with uncertainty more effectively than they expected. They learn that occasional mistakes are manageable. They develop greater trust in their judgement.
This is about much more than organising a home.
Learning to tolerate uncertainty, make decisions and move forward despite discomfort are valuable skills in many areas of life. The confidence that develops through decluttering can sometimes extend well beyond the possessions themselves.
The conversation highlights how meaningful change often happens gradually rather than through dramatic transformations. Ten minutes a day may not feel significant, but over weeks and months those small actions can create substantial progress.
Creating space for what matters
Another key theme is the importance of understanding why we want to make change in the first place.
Many people approach decluttering with a focus on what they want to remove. They want fewer possessions, less mess or more storage space.
The conversation encourages a slightly different question.
What do we want to make room for?
For some people, the answer may involve relationships. They want to feel comfortable inviting family and friends into their home. They want grandchildren to stay over or children to bring friends round.
For others, it may involve hobbies, creativity, relaxation or movement. They may want a room that can be used for exercise, reading, crafting or simply sitting peacefully.
When the focus shifts from getting rid of things to creating opportunities, the process often feels more meaningful. The goal becomes less about possessions and more about the life we want to live.
Finding support along the way
The episode also highlights the value of support and community.
Many people assume they should be able to manage clutter on their own. Yet when emotions such as shame, grief or overwhelm are involved, support can make a significant difference.
Whether through family, friends, professional support or communities of people facing similar challenges, being understood can reduce isolation and increase confidence.
Hearing other people’s experiences can help normalise difficulties and provide practical ideas for moving forward. It can also offer an important reminder that lasting change rarely happens overnight.
Most meaningful change occurs through many small decisions made consistently over time.
Choice Space takeaways
- Clutter is not always simply about possessions – it can sometimes reflect deeper emotional experiences.
- Shame and self-criticism often make change harder rather than easier.
- Grief can be connected to life transitions as well as bereavement.
- Small, manageable steps are often more sustainable than dramatic clear-outs.
- Confidence grows through practice and repeated decision-making.
- Focusing on what you want to create space for can provide meaningful motivation.
- Support and understanding can make difficult changes feel more manageable.
This conversation offers a thoughtful reminder that clutter is not always a problem of organisation. Sometimes it reflects important parts of our life story. Approaching it with curiosity, understanding and compassion may create the conditions for change in a way that judgement never can.
About the host
Dr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here: https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david
About the guest
Lesley Spellman is a professional organiser, author and co-founder of The Declutter Hub, a global online membership supporting thousands of people to declutter and simplify their homes. She co‑hosts The Declutter Hub Podcast with Ingrid Jansen, a show ranked in the top 0.5% of podcasts worldwide with over 3 million downloads and more than 400 episodes. Lesley is co‑author of Reset Your Home and also runs The Clutter Fairy, a successful professional organising service operating across the North West and Midlands in the UK. With 16 years of hands-on experience, she helps people move from overwhelm and guilt to calm, confident living.
You can contact Lesley via Instagram, Facebook, or the Declutter Hub website
