Why worry can feel so convincing – and what begins to help
In this episode of The Choice Space, Dr Lee David speaks with GP and author Dr Martin Brunet about worry, anxiety and the search for certainty. The conversation explores why worry can feel so powerful, why it often makes more sense than people realise, and what can begin to help when it starts to dominate daily life.
Many people live with worry quietly. They may still be working, parenting, socialising and carrying on as normal, while privately dealing with a mind that rarely switches off.
When worry becomes a constant background noise
Worry is often misunderstood as simply “thinking too much”. In reality, it is usually an attempt to stay safe. The mind scans ahead, looking for risks, trying to prevent problems or prepare for difficult outcomes.
This can happen around health, relationships, work, parenting or everyday responsibilities. The mind may replay conversations, imagine what could go wrong or keep searching for reassurance.
In the short term, this can feel useful. It may seem as though more thinking will eventually bring relief. Yet many people find the opposite happens. The more they think, the more unsettled they feel.
Why uncertainty is so hard for the mind
A central theme in the conversation is uncertainty. Much of worry begins with not knowing. A symptom has appeared. Someone has not replied. A decision feels unclear. The future cannot be guaranteed.
The mind often responds by trying to remove uncertainty through thinking. It asks endless questions, runs through scenarios and searches for the one answer that will bring calm.
The difficulty is that many areas of life do contain uncertainty. Health, relationships and the future can never be fully controlled. When the mind demands certainty in uncertain situations, it can become trapped in circles.
One way of understanding worry is that it often asks a question that life cannot fully answer.
Why reassurance can keep the cycle going
When anxiety rises, reassurance can feel like the obvious solution. This might mean checking symptoms, asking others repeatedly if everything is fine, searching online or mentally reviewing events.
Reassurance often brings short-lived relief. For a few moments, the nervous system settles. Then doubt returns, and the urge to check appears again.
Over time, this can teach the brain that uncertainty is dangerous and must always be solved immediately. As a result, the need for reassurance can grow stronger.
This is especially relevant in health anxiety, where normal bodily sensations can start to feel loaded with threat. Attention narrows, fear increases and the body itself may produce symptoms of anxiety that add to the concern.
A different relationship with anxiety
One of the most memorable parts of the conversation is Martin’s character “Wilbur” – an anxious companion trying to protect us, but often using unhelpful methods.
This reflects an important shift. Anxiety is not the whole self. It is one part of experience. It may be loud, urgent and persuasive, but it does not have to be in charge.
Many people instinctively fight anxiety or criticise themselves for having it. Yet self-attack often increases the sense of threat. A kinder and steadier approach can be more effective.
This might sound like recognising: anxiety is here, it is trying to help, and I do not need to hand it control.
Moving from “what if?” to “even if”
Worry often speaks in “what if?” questions.
What if this symptom is serious?
What if something goes wrong?
What if I cannot cope?
These questions can multiply quickly, taking the mind further and further from what is actually happening now.
Martin describes an alternative phrase: “even if”.
Even if this turns out to be difficult, I will deal with it when I know more.
Even if tomorrow is challenging, I can respond then.
Even if I feel anxious, I can still take one small step.
This does not deny uncertainty or pretend everything will be fine. Instead, it builds trust in coping rather than demanding certainty.
Why small steps matter so much
When anxiety has narrowed life, people often feel pressure to fix everything quickly. Yet growth rarely happens through one dramatic leap.
The conversation explores the value of taking “laughably small” steps. Small enough to feel manageable. Small enough to repeat. Small enough to begin.
For one person, that might be opening the front door and standing outside for thirty seconds. For another, it might be booking an appointment, making one phone call or reducing one checking behaviour.
These steps can seem modest, yet they help retrain the nervous system. They build confidence through action rather than through endless thinking.
Small steps matter because they increase freedom.
Calming the body helps calm the mind
Worry is not only a thinking pattern. It is also a body state. Fast breathing, muscle tension, racing heart and inner urgency can all make thoughts feel more alarming.
This is why calming the body can be so helpful. Slowing the breath, softening posture, moving the body or speaking internally with a steadier tone can all reduce the sense of threat.
Many people try to think their way out of anxiety while their nervous system remains on high alert. Working with the body can often create the conditions for clearer thinking to return.
Choice Space takeaways – small workable steps
- Notice when worry is asking for certainty that is not available
- Name reassurance seeking gently, without criticising yourself
- Try shifting one “what if?” thought into an “even if” response
- Choose one small step towards something that matters to you
- Use a slower, kinder inner tone when anxiety rises
- Remember that anxiety can be present without leading the day
Closing reflection
Worry often begins as an attempt to protect us. The difficulty comes when protection turns into restriction. This conversation offers a calmer way forward – less focused on eliminating anxiety, and more focused on building trust, flexibility and choice alongside it.
About the host
Dr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here: https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david
About the guest
Martin Brunet is a GP, speaker and author with an interest in communication and mental health. He works three days a week as a GP and spends the rest of his time writing, teaching and posting about mental health on social media, where he has been surprised to find that his @doc_martin_gp accounts have built a large following. His first book, The GP Consultation Reimagined, a Tale of Two Houses, was published in 2020 and outlines the Two Houses model for the consultation. Your Worry Makes Sense, his new book on anxiety and burnout, was published in 2025 for a general readership.
